Republican Ted Cruz Announced That

Police In Texas Arrested A Man Who Was Using The Alias 'barack Obama' While Trying To Steal Money From 35 Atms. They Could Tell Something Was Up When A Guy Named Barack Obama Was Trying To Take Money From Banks Instead Of Giving It To Them.

Live Your Life By Doing Activities That Are Beneficial

Ten Delta Airlines Baggage Handlers Were Arrested For Smuggling Drugs Into Detroit. Yeah, You Can Tell Delta Was Involved, Because The Drugs Were Supposed To Be Smuggled Into Chicago.

A Tell-all Book By David Axelrod, One Of President Obama's Former Strategists, Reveals That Obama Chose Joe Biden As His Vp Because Of His Energy And Enthusiasm. You Know, The Qualities You Look For In Someone Whose Main Job Is Traveling To State Funerals.

I Feel Like I'm Being Too Zen. I'm Inhaling Too Much Patchouli And Incense. It's Embarrassing.