My Life Is Perfect Even

People Are Constantly Asking Portia And Me If We Are Going To Have Children. We Thought About It. We Love To Be Around Children After They've Been Fed And Bathed. But We Ultimately Decided That We Don't Want Children Of Our Own. There Is Far Too Much Glass In Our House.

I Don't Consider Myself An Interviewer As Much As An Entertainer.

All Of My Friends Were Seeing A Therapist, And I Thought Something Was Wrong With Me That I Didn't See A Therapist. So I Went To A Therapist To Find Out Why I Wasn't Seeing A Therapist. And It Turns Out I'm Very Screwed Up. Thank God I Found A Therapist To Tell Me For $125 An Hour.

Sometimes When I Am Driving I Get So Angry At Inconsiderate Drivers That I Want To Scream At Them. But Then I Remember How Insignificant That Is, And I Thank God That I Have A Car And My Health And Gas. That Was Phrased Wrong-normally You Wouldn't Say, Thank God I Have Gas.

Actually This Is Really Funny - One Time She Accidentally Forgot To Leave A Note And I Had No Idea She Had Even Moved. I Was Living In The House With A Beautiful Mexican Family For Three Months Before I Realized They Weren't My Cousins Visiting From Out Of Town. They Were So Nice. They Called Me "quien Es, Quien Es," Which I Thought Was A Beautiful Name.