I'll Make Fun Of Anybody.

First, [in High School], I Smoked A Lot Of Pot...and That's How I Got To Know The People 'half In' The Society Of My High School And We Waved At Each Other Over The Bong. Then I Got To Know People By Making Jokes.

I'm An Actor. I Hate To Blow Everyone's Illusions.

Like O'rielly, We'll Grab The Most Important Word Of Each Sentence... 'the' For Example. Also, I'll Say, 'i'm Angry,' And The Graphic Will Read, 'colbert Angry.

As We All Know, Reality Has A Liberal Bias.

If I Had Free Time To Go To Los Angeles To Shoot A Movie, I Would Rather Spend It With My Kids.