Stand-up Is The Only Thing

I Can Pretty Much Guarantee That If I Do A Show In A Comedy Club, There Will Be Someone Who Will Come Out Of The Audience And Tell Me The Worst Joke Ever. It's Just A Guarantee.

I Never Write Anything Down. I Write Onstage.

This Book Is Dedicated To All Of My Friends Who Helped Me Get To Where I Am Today - You Know Who You Are... And When I Find You I Am Going To Kill You.

You Realize That For All The Shenanigans That Go On In The Big Circus Of Politics, Everybody Wakes Up And Goes To Work.

The Kids Say Golf Taught Them This And That. I Get It With The Military: A Guy Joins The Military Because He Needs Discipline And Has To Find Himself. But Don't Tell Me, 'golf Helps You Find Yourself.' I've Been Playing My Whole Life, And I'm Still Looking For Myself.