Success Is No Longer Content.

I Think I May Drop Dead On The Stage Someday. I Hate To Think Of It. But It's Getting Tough On Me, The Travel. The Show, I Somehow Manage To Rise Up To It, You Know. But I Have No Desire To Retire.

The Main Thing About Money, Bud, Is That It Makes You Do Things You Don't Want To Do.

[mark] Twain Was A Publisher. He Published General Grant's Memoirs (a Big Success) And Had A Hand In The Publishing Of Many Of His Own Books. He Would, I Think, Be Very Keen About The Question Of How A Book Would Sell.

We Live In A Democracy. We Have This Extraordinary Opportunity To Use Our Mind And Say What We Think, Speak As We Think. Sometimes What We Say Is Objectionable To Other People. But That Is Part Of A Free Society

I Never, Ever Update Mark Twain. I Don't Modernize It. I Let The Audience Update The Material. When I Go Out On Stage, I'm Trying To Make The Audience Believe They're Looking At This Guy Who Died 104 Years Ago And Listening To Him And Saying To Themselves, "jesus, He Could Be Talking About Today." And That's The Point.