Swimming Is Good For You,

The 2012 Olympics Is Going To Cost £8 Billion Which Is A Lot Of Money. It'll Probably Bankrupt London. But You Can't Put A Price On Two Bronze Medals In Cycling.

As Soon As I Did My First Five Minutes Of Stand-up I Knew That I Would Rather Be A Failure At Comedy Than A Success In Marketing.

You Never Want To Be The Grumpy Guy, Although I Do Have Quite A Grumpy Face.

The Tragedy For Comedians Is There's Nothing More They Want Than To Be Liked. We Desperately Seek Approval. It's Almost Like A Personality Disorder You Can Do As A Job.

I Have No Problems With Buying Tampons. I Am A Fairly Modern Man. But Apparently They're Not A "proper" Present. "happy Birthday, Mum!"