Thank You, Horseradish, For Being

Hillary Clinton Said That Libyan Leader Moammar Gadhafi Is Engaged In 'theater.' Which Explains The New Strategy To Defeat Him: Casting Him As The Lead In 'spider-man: The Musical.'

Thank You Hard Taco Shells For Surviving The Long Journey From Factory, To Supermarket, To My Plate And Then Breaking The Moment I Put Something Inside You. Thank You.

A New Report Claims That William Shakespeare Was A Marijuana User And May Have Been High When He Wrote Some Of His Plays. Which Explains That One Line: 'to Be, Or Not To Be . . . Wait, What Was The Question?'

Tomorrow President Obama Will Host Nascar Racing Champion Kevin Harvick At The White House. They Both Said They Look Forward To Spending An Hour Or Two Not Having The Slightest Interest In What The Other Is Saying.

Hillary Clinton Was Actually Inducted Into The Irish American Hall Of Fame Yesterday. Hillary Said She's Very Proud Of Her Irish Heritage Or Her Italian Heritage Or Her Asian Heritage. Whatever It Takes To Seal The Deal With You Guys. I've Got To Get Into That Oval Office.