The Bigger The Audience, The

I Like To Write A Joke Without Any Fat On It.the Shorter The Better. I Cater For People With Add, Basically.

Tv's Not The Same Buzz. If Someone Tells You Three Million People Watched The Show Last Week, That's Good But, When You Walk Out In Front Of 1,000, You Think, 'oh My God, This Had Better Be Good'.

I Think They Got It Wrong With Saddam Hussein. They Thought He Had The A-bomb. Instead He Had A Bomb.

When Someone Close To You Dies, Move Seats.

My Mum Told Me The Best Time To Ask My Dad For Anything Was During Sex. Not The Best Advice I'd Ever Been Given. I Burst In Through The Bedroom Door Saying "can I Have A New Bike?". He Was Very Upset. His Secretary Was Surprisingly Nice About It. I Got The Bike.