The English Have No Soul;

I Have Often Thought That The Aim Of Port Is To Give You A Good And Durable Hangover, So That During The Next Day You Should Be Reminded Of The Splendid Occasion The Night Before.

Jokes Are Better Than War. Even The Most Aggressive Jokes Are Better Than The Least Aggressive Wars. Even The Longest Jokes Are Better Than The Shortest Wars.

It Is Great Fun Dying In The United States Of America. It Is Great Fun First Of All For The Undertakers Who Make A Wonderful Living Out Of It But Also For The Deceased Who Suddenly Becomes The Centre Of Attention And Fuss.

There Are Many Non-intellectual Countries; Australia Is One Of The Few Anti-intellectual Ones.

The Trouble With Tea Is That Originally It Was Quite A Good Drink. So A Group Of The Most Eminent British Scientists Put Their Heads Together And Made Complicated Biological Experiments To Find A Way Of Spoiling It. To The Eternal Glory Of British Science, Their Labour Bore Fruit.