The Fake Slap Invariably Makes

Write Relentlessly, Until You Find Your Voice. Then, Use It.

I Felt Uncomfortable Calling Myself A Writer Until I Started With 'the New Yorker,' And Then I Was Like, 'okay, Now You Can Call Yourself That.

Often I'd Take Out My Magnifying Glass And Stare Into The Chaos That Was Her Face.

But I'm A Humorist. I'm Not A Reporter, I Never Pretended To Be A Reporter.

If Finding An Apartment Is Like Falling In Love, Buying One Is Like Proposing On Your First Date And Agreeing Not To See Each Other Until The Wedding.