The Kit Kat Candy Bar

If You Can't Sleep, Count Sheep. Don't Count Endangered Animals. You Will Run Out.

I`ve Not Really Been Angling To Be A Comedian. I Knew Comics And I Loved Them And I Loved Being Funny, But I Didn't Understand The Whole Concept Of Becoming One. My First Couple Of Times On Stage, I Was Like, "this Is What I'm Doing For Sure." I Was So Excited.

Y'know, You Can't Please All The People All The Time... And Last Night, All Those People Were At My Show.

I Like Rice. Rice Is Great If You're Hungry And Want 2000 Of Something Picketing, But I Don't Know How To Show It.

There Was A Product On Late Night Tv That You Could Attach To Your Garden Hose - "you Can Water Your Hard-to-reach Plants With This." Who Would Make Their Plants Hard To Reach? That Seems So Very Mean. I Know You Need Water, But I'm Going To Make You Hard To Reach. "think Like A Cactus!"