The Places I've Worked In

I Pride Myself On Being Down-to-earth. I’m From The Midwest. People Who Go Into Show Business Are Screwed Up. I Romanticized About Having A Serene Life.

People Here In Los Angeles Are Disgusted Now About A Sex Scandal Involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently For Seven Years, He Carried On A Sexual Relationship With His Own Wife.

It's Not A Big Part, ... I Wheel In An Ultrasound Machine And Say To Taylor's Gynecologist, 'if You Have A Problem With It, Just Give It A Light Tap On The Side.' Then They Hand Me A Urine Sample, And I Put It Up To The Light And Say 'hmm, Looks Pretty Healthy, But I'll Check.'

In Massachusetts, Scientists Have Created The First Human Clone. The Bad Thing Is That In Thirty Years, The Clone Will Still Be Depressed Because The Boston Red Sox Will Still Have Not Won A World Series.

In Louisiana, President Bush Met With Over 15,000 National Guard Troops. Here's The Weird Part, Nobody Remembers Seeing Him There.