They've Said 'roseanne's Nuts' For

I Used To Think That Communing With Nature Was A Healing, Positive Thing. Now, I Think I'd Like To Commune With Other Things - Like Room Service And Temperature Control.

The Only Options Open For Girls Then Were Of Course Mother, Secretary Or Teacher. At Least That's What We All Thought And Were Preparing Ourselves For. Now, I Must Say How Lucky We Are, As Women, To Live In An Age Where 'dental Hygienist' Has Been Added To The List.

I Say I'm The Only Serious Comedian In The Presidential Race. And I'd Like To Take This Opportunity To Ask Both Romney And Obama To Debate Me. Because I Think That Both Of Those Guys - I Think That The American People Are Being Given A False Choice, Because The Choice Between The Lesser Of Two Evils Is A False Choice.

I Consider Myself To Be A Pretty Good Judge Of People... That's Why I Don't Like Any Of Them.

Everything On This Earth Right Now Is About Labor And Slavery. War Is The Only American Export Left That Anyone Wants To Buy.