Tigers Love Pepper...they Hate Cinnamon.

I Watch A Happy Person Doing Stand-up, And I Go, "what The Hell Is This? This Person's Happy!" You Need Internal Conflict. You Need The Guy To Be Out Of Step With Society. It's A Tool For Comedy.

You Know It's Time To Do The Laundry When You Dry Off With A Sneaker.

Yesterday, I Masturbated For 45 Minutes... With Salad Tongs.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

I'm Not Versed Enough In Constitutional Law To Run For Office. I'd Have To Go Back To School Or Something.