To A Southerner It Is

The Confidence And Security Of A People Can Be Measured By Their Attitude Toward Laxatives. At The High Noon Of The British Sun, Soldiers In Far-flung Outposts Of The Empire Doctored Themselves With "a Spoonful O' Gunpowder In A Cuppa 'ot Tea." Purveyors And Users Of Harsh Laxatives Were Not Afraid Of Being Thought Mean And Unfriendly Just Because Their Laxatives Were. But In America, The Need To Be Nice Is So Consuming That Nobody Would Dare Take A Laxative That Makes You Run Up The Stairs Two At A Time, Pushing Others Aside And Yelling, "get Out Of The Way!

In Social Matters, Pointless Conventions Are Not Merely The Bee Sting Of Etiquette, But The Snake Bite Of Moral Order.

Animal Rights Activists Gives Disillusioned Feminists An Excuse To Go Back To Being Women Protecting Wee Creatures Without Compromising Their Radical Credentials

Of All The Old Maid's Blessing, The Greatest Is Carte Blanche. Spinsterhood Is Powerful; Once A Woman Is Called "that Crazy Old Maid" She Can Get Away With Anything.

Why Do I Hate People? Who Else Is There To Hate?