Two Things You Need To

They Say There Are About 12 Million Illegal Immigrants In This Country. But If You Ask A Native American, That Number Is More Like 300 Million.

Today Is The Anniversary Of The Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln Wrote It On His Way To The Site Of The Speech On The Back Of An Envelope. One Guy On The Back Of An Envelope Wrote The Great Gettysburg Address - While Every Night It Takes Six Guys To Write This Crap!

Hillary Is In Iowa To Listen To What The People Are Saying - Because If You Want Her To Speak, That Will Cost You $200,000. So She's There Listening.

Don't Worry About Me. I Plan To Continue To Be In Show Business. I Have Already Been Booked To Be In A Production Of 'the Sunshine Boys' With Jay Leno.

I Heard This Rumor That Al Qaeda Is Merging With Hamas. Yeah, I Got That Tip From Martha Stewart.