Way Too Much Coffee. But

Osama Bin Laden Has Ten Look-alikes To Fool Us Americans. Ten Look-alikes, And He's Married To Five Of Them.

Hillary Clinton, Our Junior Senator From New York, Announced That She Has No Intentions Of Ever, Ever Running For Office Of The President Of The United States. Her Husband, Bill Clinton, Is Bitterly Disappointed. He Is Crushed. There Go His Dreams Of Becoming A Two-impeachment Family.

Keep In Mind That Your Individual Vote Doesn't Mean Anything.

Political Pundits Are Saying President George W. Bush Has Made Gains In Two Key States: Dazed And Confused.

Mayor De Blasio Has Legalized Ferrets. Now You Can Legally Own Ferrets In New York City. I Want To Tell You Something. If I Want To See Anymore Beady-eyed Little Weasels, I'll Just Keep Riding The Subway.