We Live In What's Called

Republican Congressman Pete Hoekstra Has Charged The Bush Administration With Keeping Programs Secret From Congress. Somehow No One From Congress Reads The New York Times, I Guess.

Scientists Are Complaining That The New Dinosaur Movie Shows Dinosaurs With Lemurs, Who Didn't Evolve For Another Million Years. They're Afraid The Movie Will Give Kids A Mistaken Impression. What About The Fact That The Dinosaurs Are Singing And Dancing?

People Made A Big Deal Out Of The Fact This Is The First Time A Sitting President Has Done A Late-night Show. We Tried To Have Other Presidents On, But President Bush Went To Bed Every Night At 9:00. And President Clinton Always Seemed To Have Other Late-night Plans.

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger Made Another Major Announcement. He Said His Lieutenant Governor Will Be Xena, Warrior Princess.

The Big Winner Last Night In New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He Won 39 Percent Of The Vote, Which Is Pretty Good, And Begs The Question, Why The Long Face?