We Ought To Thank President

Tomorrow, America's Most Famous Hockey Mom, Sarah Palin, Will Drop The Ceremonial First Puck At The Philadelphia Flyers Game. Right Afterwards, She'll Get Out On The Ice And Skate Around Reporters' Questions, So It Should Be Interesting.

Thousands Of Dead Fish Have Now Washed Up On Shore Along The Coast Of South Carolina. Today The Nra Said That This Wouldn't Have Happened If Those Fish Had Guns.

According To Time Magazine, Global Warming Is 33% Worse Than We Thought. You Know What That Means? Al Gore Is One-third More Annoying Than We Thought.

And Some Sad News... The First Lesbian Couple To Legally Get Married In The State Of Massachusetts Has Split Up. They Cited Irreconcilable Similarities.

Dean Is A Doctor But He Acts More Like A Postal Worker!