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Driving Most Supercars Is Like Trying To Manhandle A Cow Up A Back Staircase, But This Is Like Smearing Honey Onto Keira Knightley.

If A Football Official Were To Call For A Slow-motion Replay Every Time Didier Drogba Fell Over, Each Match Would Last About Six Weeks.

I Was Reading The Mirror The Other Day And Came Across A Letter From A Reader Who Wrote, 'i Was Riding My Bike To Work When This Red Ferrari Pulled Up Next To Me. Out Of The Window, Jeremy Clarkson Shouted 'get A Car', And Drove Off.' What I Actually Said Was, 'get A Car You Hatchet Faced, Leaf-eating Tw*t

Think Of It As Angelina Jolie. You’ve Heard She’s Mad And Eats Nothing But Wallpaper Paste. But You Would, Wouldn’t You?

Ooh Good I've Got Syphilis, The Best Of The Sexually Transmitted Diseases.