When Deciding Between Two Competing

He Taught Me Never To Smile, Which Helps Me When I Visit Disaster Sites.

I Was The Kid Next Door's Imaginary Friend.

I Ran Five Miles Today. Then, Finally, I Said, 'here, Lady...take Your Purse.'

I Was Walking Down Fifth Avenue Today And I Found A Wallet, And I Was Gonna Keep It, Rather Than Return It, But I Thought: Well, If I Lost A Hundred And Fifty Dollars, How Would I Feel? And I Realized I Would Want To Be Taught A Lesson.

If An Asteroid Is Coming Toward You, You Don't Have To Blow It Up. You Just Have To Slow It Down Long Enough For Our Country To Rotate Out Of The Way.