When I Was A Kid

I Got My First Break And Became A Singing Waiter At Eighteen Or Nineteen. I Couldn't Make A Living At It. I Quit. Then I Got Married And Sold Aluminum Siding. My Wife Had Problems Physically. It Was Not Good.

What A Dog I Got, He Found Out We Look Alike, So He Killed Himself.

This Morning When I Put On My Underwear I Could Hear The Fruit-of-the-loom Guys Laughing At Me.

I Was An Ugly Child. I Got Lost On The Beach. I Asked A Cop If He Could Find My Parents. He Said, 'i Don't Know. There's Lots Of Places For Them To Hide'.

I Once Met A Beautiful, Proper English Girl. I Bid Her Adieu.... She Bid Me A Don't.