When You Are Doing Stand-up

A Couple Of Days Back, I Got Into A Car Accident. Not My Fault. Even If It's Not Your Fault, The Other Person Gets Out Of Their Car And Looks At You Like It's Your Fault: Why Did You Stop At A Red Light And Let Me Hit You Doing 80!

Then It Was Snack Time, Right In The Middle Of Mass. Right Out Of Nowhere, The Priest Would Look Down And Say, 'let's Have Some Yum Yums!' You Would Get In Line - You Would Jump In The Line - And You Would Go Up And Get The Crouton O'christ.

Three Weeks Ago One Of My Dreams Came True. I Finally Got To See Something I Always Wanted To Witness Live. I Finally Saw Someone Get Hit By A Car... Nailed!

There's Always Someone In Every Group Of Friends That Nobody Likes.

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.