While President Bush Was Out

Wasn't It Thrilling When The U.s. Women's Team Took Home The Gold In Gymnastics? A Group Of American Teenagers Getting A Higher Score Than Chinese Kids? That Never Happens.

Even Arnold's Adviser Says He Was Shocked By His Decision To Run. I Mean, His People Were Backstage That Night And They Had No Idea. He Totally Fooled Them. Who Knew Arnold Was That Good Of An Actor? If He Had Done That In A Movie, He'd Have An Academy Award By Now.

The Mayans Have Predicted The World Is Supposed To End On December 21. If The World Doesn't End On December 21, You Can Bet The Next Day The Malls Will Be Overrun With Mayans Trying To Buy Last-minute Gifts.

Over In Iraq After You Vote They Paint Your Finger Purple So You Can't Vote Again. It's A Flawless System. It Works Perfectly Unless, Of Course, Someone Has Paint Remover.

President Bush Fell Off His Bicycle This Weekend And You Know What Was Really Sad? It's A Stationary Bike.