Why Would Anyone Get Married

Yes, I'm Married. But My Wife Understands That A Good Politician Has To Be Appealing To The Ladies. The Fact That I Haven't Even Gotten Close To Cheating On Her Is A Disappointment To Us Both.

The Hardest Part About Rollerblading Is Telling Your Parents You're Gay.

One Of My Life Goals Is To Be A Best Man. It's A Baller Position. You Get Drunk, You Make Speeches, And You Make Love To The Prettiest Bridesmaid, Usually Standing From Behind.

Aren't You Scared Your Kid's Getting Kidnapped...right Now?

When I Tour, It's Like, Well, Like A Food Tour As Much As A Comedy Tour. I Try To Eat At All The Weird Places, The Obscure Barbecue Joints, Burger Places. There Are A Few Spots In L.a. That I'm Obsessed With - One Of Them Is The Taco Zone Taco Truck On Alvarado. There Are Secret Off-menu Items That Are Amazing.