You Can't All Of A

I Would Rather Receive A Pap Smear From Captain Hook Than Venture Out On New Year's Eve.

In Real Life, I Tend To Yell At People A Lot. Not Because I'm Bossy Or Mean, But Because I'm Frustrated.

Ambien Might Have Mentally Just Tossed My Salad. With Croutons.

I'm A Humor Writer, So I Don't Always Present Myself In The Best Light.

For The Record? I Have Never Been Her Baby. In Fact, I Reject The Notion Of Coming Out Of Her Body. I Prefer To Believe I Was Hatched, Or Perhaps Purchased.