You Know You're Getting Fat

I Wish I Could Sit Back And Say, 'oh, I'm Gonna Wait For A Merchant-ivory Film To Come My Way. Or Ivory-merchant. Whatever It's Called. But You Just Take What's Given And Then, Hopefully, Down The Road You Can Be More Choosy And Only Do, Say, Wayans Brothers Movies. That's My Goal: To Be More Merchant-ivory-wayans.

I Live In Los Angeles And I Had Been Drinking One Night, So I Was On The Walk Of Fame And I Saw Tony Danza's Star And I Started Urinating On It. Just Yelling Out, 'who's The Boss Now?'

But Comedy Is Like Music, It Appeals To Some People. Some People Like Creed, Those People Are Usually Pretty Stupid. But They Probably Also Like Carrot Top. I Would Say That They're Part Of The Same Ilk.

I'm Not Versed Enough In Constitutional Law To Run For Office. I'd Have To Go Back To School Or Something.

I'm Terrible About People Wanting To Take Pictures With Me. I'm A Giant Baby About It. They Treat You Like A Cartoon. There's Nothing You Can Do Except Make Light Of It.