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I Mean, I Understand That Because They're Disadvantaged That They Deserve Their Own Parking Spots, But Do They Have To Make Them So Wide? I Never Understood How These People Were Allowed To Drive Cars But They Get These Really Neat Chairs With Wheels And They're Still Not Happy, So Instead Of Parking Their Wheelchairs In The Designated Spots, They Upstage Us Normal People And Get The Best Parking Spots With Vehicles That Are Clearly Too Sophisticated For Them To Be Handling. Still, You Should Smile At A Cripple, Because It's The Only Bit Of Happiness They'll Ever Have.

People Are Always Saying Bad Things About Them, But Really They Think They're Just Trying To Clean Up Our Planet. I'm Not Saying It's Right But, You Know, We Could All Benefit From Following That Example.

I Like Hot Dogs. I Like Eggplant. I Like Pizza And Creamed Corn And Beer. But I Don't Like Arabs.

People Often Ask Me When There's Going To Be A Mrs. Zach Braff. It's A Confusing Question Sometimes Because Many People Don't Realize That My Mother Is Named Mrs. Zach Braff.

Am I Really Gonna Deny Someone The Opportunity Of A Lifetime Just Because They Met Me 5 Easters Early?