You Young People With Your

As You Can Tell From Watching The Show, I'm Not A Strong Joke Writer Per Se.

Listen, Young People, I Understand Narcissism - Clearly. But At Least I Have The Decency To Hate Myself. And That's What's Missing From The Young People. They Don't Have The Debilitating Self-loathing And The Second Guessing.

The Teabaggers - Do I Know Every Single One Of Them? No. Can I See That There's A Lot Of Racist Bullshit Going On? Absolutely. Would It Have Been Welcome To See More Of These "anti-government" Types Around After The Stolen Election? It Would Have Been Good To See It. I Wouldn't Have Liked To See Them With Their Immigrant-bashing And Their Stupid Signs.

Last Night, I Went To A Birthday Party, And This Girl Brought A Cake And A Cheesecake. And The Other Girls That Lived In The Apartment, I Swear To God, All Night Long: 'you're Taking That Cake With You When You Go. That Cake's Not Staying In This House.' Like It's This Evil, Hope Diamond, Nuclear, Horrifying Cursed Thing.

My Dream Would Be To Be On A Show That Shoots In New York, Because I Live Here, And Then I Could Walk To Work.