Your Husband Is Lazy If

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

Burt Reynolds Once Asked Me Out. I Was In His Room.

How Do You Know They're Growing Up? Well, The Bite Marks Are Higher.

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.

The Last Thing My Kids Ever Did To Earn Money Was Lose Their Baby Teeth.