You've Got Bad Eating Habits

If Bill Gates Is Worth $30 Billion Then A Good Haircut Must Cost $31 Billion

The Average American's Day Planner Has Fewer Holes In It Than Ray Charles's Dart Board.

America May Be The Best Country In The World, But That's Kind Of Like Being The Valedictorian Of Summer School.

Their Offense Is Shakier Than Katherine Hepburn After An All-night Espresso Bender At Starbucks.

Look, We're Americans: Optimistic, Addicted To The Quick Fix, Constantly On The Hunt For The New And Exotic. It's Much Easier For Us To Accept A Guy With A Big White Beard Hawking His Own Custom Blend Of Saw Palmetto And Squirrel Dandruff That It Is To Hear A Real Doctor Telling Us To Lay Off The Big Macs, And Get Off Our Fat Asses And Take A Walk Every Decade Or So.