Age Is Something That Doesn't

I Must Be Cheaper Now Than I Was Ten Years Ago In Order To Get A Laugh. It's Not Funny Now If I Leave The Table And Give The Waiter A Nickel Tip, Which Was A Laugh Years Ago. Today I Must Maneuver It So That Somehow I Get The Waiter To Give Me A Nickel Tip.

Modesty Is My Best Quality.

I Practice Three Hours Daily On My Violin So I Won't Get Worse.

Hors D'oeuvre: A Ham Sandwich Cut Into Forty Pieces.

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.