As An Actor, You Generally

I Worked In Accounting For Two And A Half Years, Realized That Wasn't What I Wanted To Do With The Rest Of My Life, And Decided I Was Just Going To Give Comedy A Try.

One Of The First Things That You Learn As A Stand-up Is, You're The Boss. It's Your Stage, And Don't Screw With Me Because I'll Make You Look Bad, Which I Had To Do, Because You Wind Up With Drunks And Loud People.

Well, If You’re A Native Chicagoan, You Know How Dumb He [dr. Robert Hartley] Is. He Gets On The Ravenswood El, He Goes Past His Stop On Sheridan Road, He Gets Off In Evanston, Where The El Is On The Ground, And Then He Walks Back 55 Blocks To His Apartment. Now, Would You Want To Have That Man As A Psychologist? A Man Who Misses His Stop Every Day?

Every New Routine I Have Ever Written And Performed Probably Occurred Extemporaneously. Then After You Have Fleshed It Out And Tried It Out In Front Of A Number Of Audiences And It Works, You Put It Down On Paper.

I Didn't Need The Elf Outfit To Play An Elf; I Could Just Play An Elf.