Be The Ugly One, Look

Whether It's A Potato Or A Nut, It's A Foodage!

You Never See An Old Man Eating A Twix

I Know Who I Am. Bloody Hell, I'm Getting Enough Bills For Karl Pilkington So I Hope I Am Him, 'cos If I'm Not, I Have No Idea Who I'm Paying For

Everyone Is Living For Everyone Else Now. They're Doing Stuff So They Can Tell Other People About It. I Don't Get All That Social Media Stuff, I've Always Got Other Things I Want To Do - Odd Jobs Around The House. No One Wants To Hear About That.

I'd Say The Best Is When I Was In Africa, I Saw A Hippo In A House. Someone Had A Pet Hippo. And They're Meant To Be One Of The Most Dangerous Animals On The Planet, And They Had One That Was Sort Of Just Wandering In And Out Of Their House, Just Sort Of Roaming About.