Because We Allow Handguns. When

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.

You Know What I Hate? Indian Givers... No, I Take That Back.

What Is Eternity? You're On The Checkout Line At A Supermarket. There Are Seven People In Front Of You. They Are All Old. They All Have Two Carts And Coupons For Every Item. They Are All Paying By Check. None Of Them Have Id. It's The Checkout Girl's First Day On The Job. She Doesn't Speak Any English. Take Away Fifteen Minutes From That, And You Begin To Get An Idea Of What Eternity Is.

Girls Throw Their Panties On The Stage, But Rarely If Ever Do They Fit.

It's Amazing Where A Joke Might Come From. I Find A Lot Of Humour Just By Metaphorically Turning Things Upside Down Or Literally Like My Wife's Cat.