But I Think You Can

I Was Going To Get An Abortion The Other Day. I Totally Wanted An Abortion. And It Turns Out I Was Just Thirsty.

I Have A Ton Of Holocaust Stuff, And Some Of It Is Really Hard Core.

Unvisited Tombstones, Unread Diaries, And Erased Video Game High-score Rankings Are Three Of The Most Potent Symbols Of Mankind's Pathetic And Fruitless Attempts At Immortality.

You Can Be Hitler And Go To Confession And Say Forgive Me, Father, I Killed Six Million Jews, And The Priest Would Just Be Like No Problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler Goes To Heaven.

I Remember My First Standup Act When I Was Seventeen; I Did A Really Lame Song About Being Flat Chested. I Was Doing It In New York, And I Remember Kevin Brennan, The Guy I Lost My Virginity To, Was Like "that Song Doesn't Make Sense, You Have Tits."