Citizens Are All Equal In

I'm Pretty Equal Opportunity When It Comes To Issues To Joke About.

Men Put All Kinds Of Expectations On You. They Want You To Scream 'you're The Best' While Swearing You've Never Done This With Anyone Before.

When I Played The Sahara Hotel In Las Vegas On New Year's Eve, I Got To Bring Wiley, My 85-pound Black Lab. He's Responsible For My Favorite New Year's Memory Of All: At The End Of The Show, He Ran Onstage And Then Out Across All The Tables In The Showroom, Sending Champagne Glasses And Gamblers Flying.

You Know You're Getting Fat When You Step On The Dog's Tail And He Dies.

I Always Had A Running Commentary In My Head That Was Extremely Funny And Off-center, But I Never Said It To Anyone.