You Know You're Getting Fat

You Know You're Getting Fat When You Step On The Dog's Tail And He Dies.

I Read Books That Say If You Want To Keep Sex Hot You Tell A Person What You Want. How Do You Tell 'em You Want Somebody Else?

A Man Who Was Loved By 300 Woman Singled Me Out To Live With Him. Why? I Was The Only One Without A Cat.

Laundry's Easier When You Live Alone. Fifteen Minutes Before A Date, Put 'em On, Dry 'em With A Hair Blower.

For Me, Comedy Is A Day-to-day Report On The Human Condition. It's What's Happening Right Now. I Get Maybe 20 Minutes Of My Act Straight From The Newspaper.