Do Not Taste Food While

You Know What Keeps Me Humble? Mirrors!

Mothers-in-law Do Not Make Good House Pets. Once I Had The Most Wonderful Dream -- I Dreamed That Mothers-in-law Cost Money And I Couldn't Afford One.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.

I Never Made `who's Who,' But I'm Featured In `what's That?'