Don't Tell Me How To

Scotland Has The Only Football Team In The World That Does A Lap Of Disgrace.

And Then There Was My Mate Who'd Just Been Fitted With A Brand New Hearing Aid. "it's The Best In The World", He Said. "what Type Is It?", I Asked And He Said "ten Past Twelve".

I Don't Have Wild Dogs Chasing People With Scripts Away From My Door. I Get My Share. I've Done Okay. But I Usually Do Independent Stuff Because That's Mostly What I'm Offered.

I Think Comedy Is Difficult, And I'm Amazed So Many People Want To Do It. I'll Be Buying Jeans And Somebody Will Say, "i'm A Comedian" - The Guy Selling You The Jeans. The Desire To Be A Comedian Is Weird. I Found It Weird Myself To Want To Be One; I Was A Schoolboy When I Wanted To Be One But I Didn't Know How To Do It. That Was 50 Years Ago, So Times Have Changed Greatly. There Seems To Be A Long Line Of People Desperate To Do It And Most Of Them Are Quite Good.

I'm Not Going To Throw Away The Hand Of Friendship To Suit 100 Trotskyites In Glasgow.