Don't Try For Wit. Settle

[on The British Museum:] It Was Manifestly Impossible To Read All The Books In That Huge, Gloomy Structure, But I Made A Good Try And Accumulated A Fund Of Useless Information Guaranteed To Cast A Pall Over Any Dinner Table.

Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor. You'll Last Longer.

Bores Put You In A Mental Cemetery While You Are Still Walking.

Laugh At Yourself First, Before Anyone Else Can.

The Cocktail Party Is Easily The Worst Invention Since Castor Oil