Every Time I Go And

Xylophone Is Spelled With An X. That's Wrong. It Should Be A Z Up Front. Next Time You Spell Xylophone, Use A Z. If Someone Says, "that's Wrong!", You Say, "no, It Ain't." If You Think That's Wrong, Then You Need To Have Your Head Z-rayed.

Pepperidge Farm Bread. That's Fancy Bread. You Can Tell It's Fancy Because It's Wrapped Twice. You Open It, And It Still Isn't Open. That's Why I Don't Buy It. I Don't Need Another Step Between Me And Toast.

I Think A Rotisserie Is Like A Really Morbid Ferris Wheel For Chickens. It’s A Strange Piece Of Machinery . . . We Will Take The Chicken, Kill It, Impale It, And Then Rotate It. And I’ll Be Damned If I’m Not Hungry! Because Spinning Chicken Carcasses Make My Mouth Water! I Like Dizzy Chicken. With A Side Of Potatoes Of Some Sort.

Imagine If You Were A Drummer, And You Accidentally Picked Up Two Magic Wands Instead Of Sticks. There You Are, Keeping The Beat, The Next Thing You Know, Your Bass Player Turns Into A Can Of Soup.

I Bought A Seven-dollar Pen Because I Always Lose Pens And I Got Sick Of Not Caring.