I Bought A Seven-dollar Pen

When You Open The Elevator On The Top Floor Of A Building And The Other Guy Doesn't Get Out, Something Is Seriously Wrong.

If I'm Out To Dinner With A Group Of Friends, And Somebody Offers To Pay For The Check, I Immediately Reach For My Wallet. Inside Is A Note That Says, "say Thanks!"

Knock On Wood Is A Saying For Good Luck. I Think That Started When Someone Went To Someone's Door To See If Someone Was Home. "i Hope Joe's Home, Knock On Wood!"

I'm Always On The Road, And I Drive Rental Cars. Sometimes I Don't Know What's Going On With The Car, And I'll Drive For Ten Miles With The Emergency Brake On. That Doesn't Say A Lot For Me, But It Doesn't Say A Lot For The Emergency Brake. What Kind Of Emergency Is This? I Need To Not Stop Now. It's Not Really An Emergency Brake, It's An Emergency Make-the-car-smell-funny Lever.

I Saw A Lady On Tv, She Was Born Without Arms. That's Sad, But Then They Said, "lola Does Not Know The Meaning Of The Word 'can't'." That, To Me, Is Even Worse In A Way. Not Only Is She Missing Arms, But She Doesn't Understand Simple Contractions. It's Easy, Lola - You Just Take Two Words, Put Them Together, Take Out The Middle Letters, Put In A Comma, And You Raise It Up!