He's So Fat, He Can

I Can't Go Anywhere Without Being Bugged By Somebody. I'd Love To Just Hike Out Down The Street, Or Drop In A Restaurant, Or Wander In The Park, Or Take My Kids Somewhere Without Collecting A Trail Of People. But I Can't.

I Know A Guy Who Gave Up Smoking Cigarettes, Consuming, Sex, And Wealthy Meals.

Happiness Is A Tiger In Your Tank And A Pussycat In Your Back Seat.

I Get Sick Of That Old Rationalization, "we're Staying Together Because Of The Children." Kids Couldn't Be More Miserable Living With Parents Who Can't Stand Each Other. They're Far Better Off If There's An Honest, Clean Divorce.

Never Ask Your Wife If She Still Hears From Her Old Pimp.