I Am Going To Name

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

Nothing Is A Better Icebreaker Than A Great Joke.

You Are The Director Of Your Own Life Story. Don't Cast Idiots Or People Will Walk Out During Your 2nd Act.

I'm Sure That People Who Have Been Tweeting Funny Things Have Ended Up On Writing Staffs Of A Late Night Show.

You Can't Teach An Old Hater New Truths.