Nothing Is A Better Icebreaker

I'm In A New Club, By The Way. And I Don't Know If You're First Timers Like I Am, But I'm In The 'i Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have You Done That? Yeah, Good Times. I'm On The Phone And I Forget That I'm Using Shoulder Technique. Urinals Were Taken So I Went In To Use The Regular John. And As I'm Standing There, Mid-conversation, I'm Like 'are You Serious?' And It Just Started To Toboggan Right Down My Powerful Chest.

Here's How You Know That You're Really Drunk: When You Get Into A Taxi Cab And You Think The Fare Is The Time.

I've Lived (in La) For So Long, I Don't Even Know What Is Real And What Isn't Anymore.

A Lot Of Comics Are Kind Of Vampire Types; We Do Our Shows And Disappear Into The Night. My Philosophy Was, This Is Like Politics, And If I Want People To Know About My Campaign, I'm Going To Go Out There And Shake Hands.

Christina Can Sing All The Notes, But Britney Is Just Hot!