I Backed Horse Last Week

I Had A Meal Last Night. I Ordered Everything In French, Surprised Everybody. It Was A Chinese Restaurant. I Said To This Chinese Waiter, 'look, This Chicken I Got Here Is Cold.' He Said, 'it Should Be, It's Been Dead Two Weeks.'

I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost 3 Days Already.

A Man Goes To A Fancy Dress Party Dressed Only In His Y-fronts. A Woman Comes Up To Him And Says "what Are You Supposed To Be?" The Man Says "a Premature Ejaculation." "what?" Says The Woman. The Man Explains "i've Just Come In My Pants."

You Know, Somebody Actually Complimented Me On My Driving Today. They Left A Little Note On The Windscreen, It Said 'parking Fine.'

So A Man Jumps Into A Taxi And Says "king Arthur's Close" And The Taxi Driver Says, "don't Worry We'll Lose Him At The Next Lights".