I Don't Do Heroin Myself,

If Anybody Is So Mad At Vladimir Putin, You Know What They Could Do? They Could Advocate For A Gas Tax. He Gets All His Leverage From Selling Gas And Oil. If We Had A Gas Tax That Made That Less Palatable, He Would Be Less Of A Player On The World Stage.

Yes, In Baseball When The Team Stinks, You Fire The Manager. But You Don't Fire Him Because It Rains. And You Don't Let The Opposing Team Choose A New Manager For You. And You Don't Fire Him Between Innings. And Replace Him With A Viennese Weightlifter.

New Rule: The Rest Of The World Can Go Back To Being Completely Jealous Of America. Our Majority White Country Just Freely Elected A Black President, Something No Other Democracy Has Ever Done. Take That Canada! Where's Your Nubian Warrior President? Your Head Of State Is A Boring White Dude Named Steven Harper, And Mine Is A Kick-ass Black Ninja Named Barack Hussein Obama!

The Teachers Don't Know Anything. What Are The Kids Going To Learn With A Horrible Education System?

Mccain Was Introduced At The Convention Last Night By His Wife -- I Won't Say 'trophy Wife' -- But She Did $300,000 Worth Of Clothes And Jewelry On, No Matter To The Party Of The Little Guy. But Cindy Mccain Talked About How His Character, Honor And Integrity Made Him The Exact Kind Of Married Man She Was Looking To Pick Up At A Bar.