I Don't Drink Water. Have

How Is The Human Race Going To Survive Now That The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Two Dollars A Quart?

I Don't Have To Attend Every Argument I'm Invited To.

Indeed, Moderation Is My Middle Name (though I Do Not Often Use It In Signing Legal Documents)

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.

California Is The Only State In The Union Where You Can Fall Asleep Under A Rose Bush In Full Bloom And Freeze To Death.