I Don't See Myself As

Like Most Of The World's Population I'm Into Coffee, My Perfect Weekend Would Start With A Pint Of Coffee.

I Worry About My Nan. If She's Alone And Falls, Does She Make A Noise? I'm Joking, She's Dead.

Recently My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Was Having Sex Behind Her Back And I Replied, "yes, Who Did You Think It Was?"

I Said To My Girlfriend, You Shouldn't Eat Before You Swim. She Said, "why Not"? I Said, You Look Fat.

When People Come Over To My House For Dinner, I Always Have A Vegetarian Option. They Can Make Do, Or They Can **** Off!